by Carrie Kosicki
Every job has to have a description and every employee has to have a job and everyone has to report directly to someone who has to report directly to someone who reports directly to god, himself. Every job falls under a department which is headed by a department head who reports to one of the people who reports to someone else. No person who reports to more than three people will have anyone who reports to him, because he’ll be too busy reporting to the three other people. It’s not possible to be a part of more than one department unless you’re in charge of people from multiple departments, in which case you will be a part of all of those departments and you will report to each of those department heads, unless you’re one of the department heads, in which case the other department heads of the other departments where the people who report to you work will be your peers. You will all report to one of the people who reports directly to god.
Each department will be required to meet once a month to discuss things happening in that department, and to do a quick head count to make sure all the heads are counted for. The head count must be done by the department head. To avoid fraudulent activity, the department head’s head cannot be counted by the head of the department and must be universally recognized by all other heads in the department.
Every department has to have a committee, and the committee must be headed by someone who reports to less than three people, because those people will be too busy reporting to the three other people who they report to. The head of the committee cannot be a department head, because that person would be two heads at once, which isn’t covered by the company health insurance plan. The committee members will be chosen by committee and the committee head will be selected from among those chosen. Once the committee head is chosen, he or she will select his or her own vice head in the event that he or she is beheaded and cannot fulfill the duties of his or her post. The department committees will meet once a week to strategize what should be discussed at the monthly department meeting.
Every quarter a quarter of all the departments will meet to discuss what’s going on in the other departments that quarter. These meetings will be led by a committee of committee heads. If any of the committee heads is beheaded between the time of that committee’s last weekly meeting and the quarterly quarter department meeting, the committee head’s vice head will serve on the committee for the quarterly meeting for a quarter of all departments.
All departments will gather once annually for the annual all department picnic. It will be pot luck.